During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
