Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
