The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
