Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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