dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
