Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
