I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
