It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
