How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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