it was like eating out sand paper
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
