We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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