dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize