Nicole vs. Life
I CAN MOONWALK!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
