She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
