she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
