I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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