I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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