Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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