I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
