your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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