Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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