Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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