I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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