I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
