every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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