We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
