I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
