Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
