real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
