i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
