so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
