Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
