I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize