his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
