so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
