your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
