i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
