you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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