went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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