you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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