Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
