UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They have beer where we have blood.
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