Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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