my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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