Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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