i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
