she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
