I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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