**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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