She's JV to your varsity
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
