I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize