i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
