Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
