Soap is not a condiment
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
