We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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