Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
