the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
