Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
