neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
