have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
