There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
