I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
