I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
