there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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