Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
