last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
