just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
